I am grateful for how you have thought through this issue. I have been thinking a lot about agency and can definitely admit I have been quite passive in my life. Have you found it hard to navigate the relationship with control? Life has taught me quite forcibly I'm not in control but I hear your invitation to show up and take responsibility and I find it compelling
Great question! I think the approach I've landed on is to default towards action, realize the world is going to provide a certain amount of good fortune and bad fortune, and take things one day at a time. All of that is easier said than done, and I certainly have still frustrations and disappointments at times, but not nearly to the degree that I once had. And I bounce back more quickly when those things occur.
One immediate example that may or may not be helpful: the other day I was hit by a terrible virus, had fever, chills, & aches, and could barely even think about anything I was so wiped out. That was a bummer, but I did what I could to better the situation: 1) I wore a mask so my family didn't catch what I had. 2) I consumed the best nutrition I could to help my body recover. 3) I recognized I needed rest to heal and gave myself permission to nap through the day and get plenty of sleep that night. 4) I worked throughout that time to keep a positive mindset rather than worrying about falling behind on my obligations.
The next morning I woke up feeling great and by 11am I was all caught up. Perhaps I was just fortunate to have a quickly resolving virus, or perhaps all I did during that time, and all that I do to proactively take care of my health throughout the year allowed me to minimize the time I was down.
Anyways, not sure if that was helpful or not, but that's sort of how I think of it all. Wishing you all the best as you navigate and explore this topic!!
"as I survey the various #deconstruction accounts it seems many of them are stuck. They seem paralyzed, unable to progress or find true freedom. Unable to thrive. I’m bummed out to see how consistently cynical and spiteful some of them can be." YES. I reached a point where I needed to unfollow many of them bc there wasn't forward movement. Stuck in anger and pointing out flaws of the christian doctrine and continuing to live in that victim mindset. Once I decided to unfollow them I was able to heal more quickly. This is a big reason why I'm writing my book... To try and be a voice that goes beyond the anger and into true freedom.
That's awesome. I'm touching on this briefly again on a new post, but always trying to be delicate bc I never know the full extent of someone's pain or where exactly they might be. Identity is a funny thing. People take off the "Christian" jacket and then immediately slip on the "Definitely not a Christian, no way" jacket. The world definitely needs positive people and messages to point the way forward. I'm not an expert on victim-mindset, but I definitely lived it for a while. But even when it's justified it's just not an enjoyable way to live life.
I like the jacket analogy... Once I took off the Christian jacket I didn't know what to wear but definitely knew I didn't want that one again. I also appreciate your delicate approach because you're right, we don't know how people are hurting.
Thank you for sharing your story! My path has been slightly different, but it's probably because I was spared the experience of growing up in the American Evangelical church. Many differences there. But I agree, there is a tendency to coast in your dis/beliefs. I guess because the perspective of carving them out for yourself (continually) seems too daunting? But the coasting doesn't come free either. The lack of agency is incredibly demoralizing, and so is boredom.
Can't help but feel there is also something else here--the way we think around submission/authority is completely fucked up, isn't it? Even the way we think of, say, Job. We're scared to think we might have to do the same kind of negotiation/raw rebellion that he did in his relationship with the Sacred, so we bring on some clichéd interpretation or the other: he waited on God, he actually did sin, he never cursed God, all bs when you read that book closely. But then, we know what happens to a relationship where one partner just kind of absents themselves completely from any interaction. There can be no intimacy, no progress, no excitement there. We know it! And yet.
Sorry for the long comment--but this topic is so powerful!
Very interesting, thanks for sharing. Funny, I was planning on writing something up related to this topic, however, I think there's a level beyond what you've described here, which is a deep surrender to God that is anything BUT passive. However, we usually need to go through the important step of personal empowerment before getting there.
I'll explain more in my future article, but here's the short version: Try this experiment. When you get up in the morning, ask God, "What do you want me to do today?" See where God takes you. God works THROUGH people. If you are being passive, expecting God to do something outside of yourself, you aren't letting God work through you.
BTW, I felt guided by God to start my Sufis Substack...it wasn't preplanned. Literally, I had a strong feeling the other day to start it, out of the blue, and took immediate steps to take action on it. We'll see where it takes me. :-)
I am grateful for how you have thought through this issue. I have been thinking a lot about agency and can definitely admit I have been quite passive in my life. Have you found it hard to navigate the relationship with control? Life has taught me quite forcibly I'm not in control but I hear your invitation to show up and take responsibility and I find it compelling
Great question! I think the approach I've landed on is to default towards action, realize the world is going to provide a certain amount of good fortune and bad fortune, and take things one day at a time. All of that is easier said than done, and I certainly have still frustrations and disappointments at times, but not nearly to the degree that I once had. And I bounce back more quickly when those things occur.
One immediate example that may or may not be helpful: the other day I was hit by a terrible virus, had fever, chills, & aches, and could barely even think about anything I was so wiped out. That was a bummer, but I did what I could to better the situation: 1) I wore a mask so my family didn't catch what I had. 2) I consumed the best nutrition I could to help my body recover. 3) I recognized I needed rest to heal and gave myself permission to nap through the day and get plenty of sleep that night. 4) I worked throughout that time to keep a positive mindset rather than worrying about falling behind on my obligations.
The next morning I woke up feeling great and by 11am I was all caught up. Perhaps I was just fortunate to have a quickly resolving virus, or perhaps all I did during that time, and all that I do to proactively take care of my health throughout the year allowed me to minimize the time I was down.
Anyways, not sure if that was helpful or not, but that's sort of how I think of it all. Wishing you all the best as you navigate and explore this topic!!
"as I survey the various #deconstruction accounts it seems many of them are stuck. They seem paralyzed, unable to progress or find true freedom. Unable to thrive. I’m bummed out to see how consistently cynical and spiteful some of them can be." YES. I reached a point where I needed to unfollow many of them bc there wasn't forward movement. Stuck in anger and pointing out flaws of the christian doctrine and continuing to live in that victim mindset. Once I decided to unfollow them I was able to heal more quickly. This is a big reason why I'm writing my book... To try and be a voice that goes beyond the anger and into true freedom.
That's awesome. I'm touching on this briefly again on a new post, but always trying to be delicate bc I never know the full extent of someone's pain or where exactly they might be. Identity is a funny thing. People take off the "Christian" jacket and then immediately slip on the "Definitely not a Christian, no way" jacket. The world definitely needs positive people and messages to point the way forward. I'm not an expert on victim-mindset, but I definitely lived it for a while. But even when it's justified it's just not an enjoyable way to live life.
I like the jacket analogy... Once I took off the Christian jacket I didn't know what to wear but definitely knew I didn't want that one again. I also appreciate your delicate approach because you're right, we don't know how people are hurting.
Thank you for sharing your story! My path has been slightly different, but it's probably because I was spared the experience of growing up in the American Evangelical church. Many differences there. But I agree, there is a tendency to coast in your dis/beliefs. I guess because the perspective of carving them out for yourself (continually) seems too daunting? But the coasting doesn't come free either. The lack of agency is incredibly demoralizing, and so is boredom.
Can't help but feel there is also something else here--the way we think around submission/authority is completely fucked up, isn't it? Even the way we think of, say, Job. We're scared to think we might have to do the same kind of negotiation/raw rebellion that he did in his relationship with the Sacred, so we bring on some clichéd interpretation or the other: he waited on God, he actually did sin, he never cursed God, all bs when you read that book closely. But then, we know what happens to a relationship where one partner just kind of absents themselves completely from any interaction. There can be no intimacy, no progress, no excitement there. We know it! And yet.
Sorry for the long comment--but this topic is so powerful!
Great insights. Thanks for sharing your experience and adding to the discussion!! :)
Very interesting, thanks for sharing. Funny, I was planning on writing something up related to this topic, however, I think there's a level beyond what you've described here, which is a deep surrender to God that is anything BUT passive. However, we usually need to go through the important step of personal empowerment before getting there.
I'll explain more in my future article, but here's the short version: Try this experiment. When you get up in the morning, ask God, "What do you want me to do today?" See where God takes you. God works THROUGH people. If you are being passive, expecting God to do something outside of yourself, you aren't letting God work through you.
BTW, I felt guided by God to start my Sufis Substack...it wasn't preplanned. Literally, I had a strong feeling the other day to start it, out of the blue, and took immediate steps to take action on it. We'll see where it takes me. :-)
Well said. I love that example and agree 100%. Look forward to reading more from you on the subject!